On Friendship

It has always been harder for me to make friends than for my sister to make friends.  She's the outgoing, friendly, assertive person whom people flock to, like moths to a flame. I am the quiet, introspective, and unassuming person whom people enjoy when they get to know me.  Therein lies the problem, gettting to know me first.  At any rate, I have made some good friends throughout my 38 years, of many to whom I am still very close.  However, the majority of these friends were made through my sister knowing them first. 
She and I usually come to friendship as a package deal-a love me, love my sister type of thing.

Rarely do we ever have individual friends, but on occasion it does happen.  More so for my sister than me. Sometimes my sister introduces someone to me that she adores and I either have profound indifference or even dislike towards.  Occasionally that happens on my part, but then again, I am not the friend-maker, as I've already stated.  She has had several friends of her own that I do not even know, while I cannot think of a single one mine that she hasn't befriended herself. Over the past two years, I have had a friend that has been much more mine, than my sister's, even though my sister introduced us.  This friendship made me start thinking about things that I never paid attention to before.

I always knew that my sister and I to a certain degree could be classified as co-dependent.  Her approval means a great deal to me and vice-versa.  She and I generally make large decisions about our lives after having consulted with each other first, much to the annoyance of our husbands.  She has always been my best friend, my advisor, my confidant, and I have been the same for her.  This new friendship, however, made me realize, I need to start developing more friendships on my own.

I should not sit around and wait for her to bring someone to me.  I shouldn't have friends trussed up and delivered on a silver platter, that's just plain silly.  I should go out and find them myself.  She is a very busy person with an incredibly full life of family and work, and often during the school year we do not see each other enough.  I am a stay-at-home mother with plenty of time on my hands, and that time could be spent with possible friends who could enrich my life. 

My friend Brandy is one of those good friends.  Sherecently moved twelve hours away.  She too was a stay-at-home mother and our children adored each other.  She and I met on an intellectual level that I rarely find with others and  I truly enjoyed her conversation and company.  In addition, she made me be more active outside of the home and provided good, meaningful companionship for me.  I know that I will miss her now that she is gone.  I will have to find and develop new friendships on my own to compensate for her being geographically so far from me.  I hope that I follow through with this, but I have a feeling it may be difficult.

The older I get, the harder it is to extend myself intitially to someone to begin forming a friendship.  Also, I have little patience for friendships that need to be worked on, or that do not "click" immediately.  In my youth, I could doggedly pursue one if I thought it could work out, but now I just don't have the time.  Either I like you instantly, or I don't.  It's as simple as that.  These attitudes might prove to be roadblocks, but at least now I am acknowledging and thinking about changing them for the better.

I will say one thing in my favor, however.  When I become a friend to someone, I am a friend for life.  I am loyal and steadfast and supportive.  I give that friend my time, my ear, and my heart.  I open my home to my friends and embrace them as family.  I listen, I advise, I laugh, I commiserate, and I commit to friendship.  Maybe that is why I don't take it lightly and why I have such a select group of friends.  If one is to give all that emotional energy to a relationship, one should never do it lightly.