My son Jack came home from kindergarten the other day a bit down and dejected. I asked him why he seemed so blue and after some gentle prodding and reassurance he spilled the beans. My little boy loves Madison, the prettiest girl in his class. His face lit up while listing all her perfect little girl charms, and he finished by saying, "I really like her, Momma." It fell quickly, however, when he followed up with a deep sigh and said, "But she likes Michael." Ohhhhhh....my poor baby. Six years old seems like such a young age to learn that unrequited love can be a complete bitch.
He and I talked for a bit more about how not everyone a person likes always likes him or her in return. I tried to make him understand that even though he had feelings for her, she wouldn't necessarily feel the same way towards him, and that it happened all the time in life. The protective, "How dare you not love my baby as much as I do!" mother in me, however, had to give that Madison girl a little dig as Jack and I ended our conversation. I told him that obviously she had no taste when it came to men and she probably wasn't good enough for him anyway. Ooops....I think I need to work on a few things in regard to good parenting.
Jack recovered pretty quickly. Most kids usually do. He now seems to be infatuated with Taylor, who happily likes Jack back. Nonetheless, it got me to thinking about unrequited love in general. Everyone has crushes in their lifetime. That overwhelming, burning, longing sensation for someone can drive anyone a bit crazy. I remember wasting hours thinking about my crushes, wondering what they were doing, fantasizing that they would eventually notice how wonderful I was and then sweep me off my feet "Sixteen Candles" style. I recall feeling completely nervous and tongue-tied in their presence. It's amazing how emotions turn you into a fool over someone who doesn't even know you exist.
I think that although crushes can be quite painful, and unrequited love hurts like hell, they provide good learning opportunities for kids and young adults. Experiencing such intense emotions for someone can spark creativity, imagination, boldness, and definitely introspection. Some of the most beautiful poetry and music have come from the fountain of unreturned affection. The gifts of a crush also include growth of a more personal nature. Loving someone secretly causes flights of fancy and inspires art, but it also makes us familiar with the powerful feelings of first love, demands us to manage those emotions, and ultimately teaches us how to deal with disappointment and unfulfilled desires. The last lesson will prove to be the most important for the majority of people. Life doesn't always give us what we want and we need to know how to shrug off disappointment and move forward with light hearts full of hope. When we cease to hope, we cease to live fully.
I want my children to feel deeply and passionately and to learn from those emotions. I want them to love and to lose and to love again, because each time they do they become more resilient and more knowledgeable about themselves and life in general. I know they will have many crushes throughout their lifetimes, but I also know that these joyful/painful episodes will help to shape them into people who know what they want from a partner, who will know how to love well, and who will also understand that they need to be well-loved in return. And luckily for Jack, even with his poor pea-picking heart crushed for a day or so, he understands that there are plenty of opportunities for liking and loving.....just ask his new friend Taylor.
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