Only You

Life should be a balance of emotion and control.

I had a friend tell me the other day, "There are no good and bad days, there is only you."  At first his statement somewhat rankled me because I had just finished sorting through some of my father's things,  reviewed the million things I needed to accomplish and didn't have time for, and watched my cat of 18 years slowly die. I thought...."No, there are some definitely damned bad days."  Days exist where nothing goes right, everything you touch for some reason turns to shit and you just want to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers until things get better.  And forget the luxury of just one bad day. I would appreciate just twenty-four hours of bad. Unfortunately, I have been having one really bad month.  Suffice to say, his platitude rubbed me quite the wrong way.

A few days have passed since then, however, and I can't seem to get his words out of my mind.  I understand the meaning behind them and I am desperately trying to apply them to my own situation.  He meant that life happens....the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Life continually changes for better or worse, and we have absolutely no control over anything outside of ourselves.  He wanted me to understand that attitude and perspective determine how you handle what life throws at you and how you determine whether a day is "good" or "bad."  Theoretically, I get it.  Practical application of this idea, however, seems to be much harder to master.

I consider myself to be a very emotionally controlled person.  I am very empathetic to other's emotions, but in regard to my own, I play my cards close to the vest and rarely express how I am feeling.  I work at maintaining a positive attitude and try to temper my reactions to situations by keeping an eye on the big picture, fitting instances or moments into the context of something larger.  I want to remain placid and unaffected and patient.  My emotional goals remind me Paul Simon lyrics, "I am a rock, I am an island.  And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries."  I think they are valid goals to have, to remain a constant rock in times of trouble, but at the same time, I don't think that indulging in a bit of emotion hurts anything.  Allowing yourself to feel, to react, and to be present with the moments life gives you is a necessary human function for processing and integrating what happens in your life.  The trick for successful living, though, lies in not allowing the emotions to overwhelm you or dominate your thoughts and actions.

In essence, I agree with my friend.  There are no good or bad days, there is just you.  Everyday is a day to work towards achieving a balance of feeling and control.  Every morning you wake up provides an opportunity to effect a positive attitude, an understanding of the world, an acknowledgement that yes, bad things do happen, but you can get through them with growth and grace.  So, I am going to allow myself to feel and to react, and then I will allow myself the room needed to create a healthy perspective and a sanctuary of self.  There is just me, and I am going to be the healthiest me I can be.