Some Things Are Just Not Worth Doing Well

Perfection might exist as a town, but never as a state of being.

My sister and I finally got to spend some quality time with each other this weekend.  I really enjoyed just being able to talk with her as it has been a long time since we've conversed about this, that, and whatever.  As the topics flowed from points A to Z,  we began talking about people we mutually know.  Somehow, the conversation turned to different personality types and we spent quite some time on the perfectionist personality as we have a few friends who share this trait.  Based on general observations we both came to several conclusions. Firstly, she and I have just enough slacker in us that we don't qualify as perfectionists. Secondly, that perfectionists often have troubled inner-lives filled with dissatisfaction, doubt, and low self-esteem. Thirdly, that we remain grateful to not have an incessant desire for perfection; it's too difficult a way in which to live one's life.

We both agreed that having a personality that tends toward perfectionism comprises more of a burden than a blessing. Two types of perfectionists inhabit the world: overachievers constantly seeking to be better, stronger, faster, and smarter and complete slackers who achieve nothing.  True perfectionists will work incredibly hard to achieve an unattainable ideal and along the way rack up an impressive list of accomplishments, or they do nothing at all.  Either way, these people who seek perfection never feel complete satisfaction in whatever they do.  They lead lives of consistent and continual dissatisfaction which can manifest itself in a host of emotional and mental problems.

 I myself lean towards wanting everything to be "just right", but as I've aged, I more thoroughly embraced the idea my great-aunt Merry Jo espoused.  When I get overwhelmed by having to do so many tasks during the day and disappointed that I cannot complete them to perfection, I hear her Texas drawl in my head reminding me, "Darlin', there are just certain things in this world not worth doing well."  I remember that conversation with her clearly because her words enlightened me.  I had an epiphany that day about how to live well, and from that point forward, I followed this particular philosophy. As my daily responsibilities increased, this idea has only strengthened and become more applicable to my situation.  At the time she told me this, my slightly messy house embarrassed me, and  I apologized for it's sloppy state. She responded with that particular statement and the addendum, "And housework is just one of those many things."  I am positive she never realized how her words impacted me, but they instantaneously made me feel better.  Even more so than that, they became a touchstone for me when I became stressed about not being able to do something just right.

In my lifetime, I have encountered both types of perfectionists, but currently I know two of the slacker variety.  I feel the most sympathy for them because they lead lives of desperation, so immobilized by not being able to be perfect in everything that they ultimately do nothing. They squander the many amazing gifts and talents they have to share with the world because of fear of imperfection.  At least the over-achieving perfectionist can placate him or herself with a laundry list of achievements, but the slackers have nothing of the sort on which to fall back.  Usually they develop an intense self-loathing and often escape into an addiction of some kind that allows them to maintain a sense of stability or numbness to their true emotions.  In a way, the over-achievers have that same self-loathing and become addicted to the cycle of constantly striving for more and consistently failing to meet their own high standards.  In any event,  both ways of living and thinking sadden me because these perfectionists never achieve the most important thing in life--happiness.

I want to sit both my friends down and shake sense into them.  I desire to make them realize that the valuable things in life--those things that bring us the most joy, enlightenment, and satisfaction are never perfect. Perfection does not exist.  It is an idealized state meant to motivate and inspire people to action, but not something we can ever truly attain. They need to understand that it is those imperfect things that we do from which we learn the most and from which we obtain the greatest satisfaction.  The cumulative experiences, the people that share our lives, the small moments of bliss and despair  make our lives worthwhile, not the end state of perfection.  It is the journey that remains important, not the destination.

Being able to accept reality as it currently exists would liberate them immensely and allow them to enjoy their lives.  They could, like me, focus on the aspects of their lives they deem to be the most important, putting forth great effort at doing the best that they can in those areas, while letting go of putting the same amount of effort into the trivial, less-meaningful things. This philosophy has granted me a life that satisfies me as well as provides me room for continual improvement.  It has created a healthy balance and I am truly grateful to have been introduced to the concept early on in my adult life. I really wish I could conjure for them my great-aunt Merry Jo, so she could whisper her magic into their ears and sow the seeds of imperfection in their lives.  For me, it definitely comprises one of the most beautiful, valuable flowers in my own personal garden, and I truly want this idea to bloom for them.