I have a confession to make. Perhaps it is something I should really keep to myself because I know it will engender dislike for me on the part of some people, a dislike so intense as to border on hate. I will offend pet parents everywhere who see their animals as family. I might even alienate a friend or two. Nonetheless, after picking up the eighteenth pile of poop in as many days and surveying the wreckage of certain areas within my home, I feel compelled to state it loudly and proudly. I HATE MY DOG!
I cannot stand this animal. He is stupid to the point of actual retardation, but cunning enough to know exactly what buttons to push to drive me absolutely insane. I hate the fact that he will spend hours outside and then the minute he comes indoors he poops in the hallway or my sons' room. I despise that he chases and molests the cats at every opportunity. I loathe the way he jumps and licks both family and company. I detest his habit of chewing anything of value to me, knowing exactly the destruction of which shoe, piece of furniture, book, or clothing will upset me the most. I am exasperated with cleaning up the mud he tracks in, the food he deliberately spills, the endless amounts of dog hair found on everything. Most of all, however, I really hate the way he makes me feel like a complete failure at being a pet owner. A person is supposed to love their pet and cherish the animal's unconditional love and affection. I just flat-out don't like him, and it makes me feel as if I hold some deep character flaw or emotional defect. In sum, I hate myself for hating my dog which makes me hate him more. It's a vicious circle I want to stop.
The only reason the dog is still part of the family is because he brings joy to my children. They love playing with him, sleeping with him, dressing him in outrageous outfits, walking him and just in general having him in our home. The children would be terribly upset if Gus were to go anywhere, and I love my children far more than I hate my dog, so the dog stays.
I love my cats, enjoy the guinea pig, and even miss the fish that died a few months ago. I am a kind, compassionate woman in most regards, but this dog drives me to distraction and brings out every negative or bad quality I own. I mutter terrible things under my breath when I am cleaning up yet one more pile of strategically placed poop or chewed up treasure. I feel such anger and rage that I become even more upset that I get that angry in the first place. I am not that kind of person, and I don't want to engage in that level of negativity, but Gus seems to magnify all the awful things about my personality which I try to keep subdued. I hate him for that too.
I keep wondering what lesson I am supposed to learn from this dog. I think it must be patience and acceptance and maintaining tranquility in the face of stress. I constantly strive to take Gus' behavior in stride, to breathe deeply when I really want to yell at him, and to maintain my composure regarding my feelings towards this animal. I think I've grown quite a bit in my ability to maintain my temper, and I suppose that is a good thing. It shows emotional development and control, although I would rather not have the stressors to begin with. Perhaps there is a larger lesson to be learned as well. I am not quite sure what it may be, but he has a minimum of another ten years with us based on the average lifespan of a dog, so I am sure it will be revealed to me as some point.
I am certain over the upcoming years that we will continue to refine our relationship. Gus and I hopefully will develop a peaceful coexistence. I am hoping I learn to control myself and to react to situations from a place of positivity rather than negativity. To move in all things, especially when dealing with the dog, from a place of love and patience and generosity. I am not sure, however, that he is smart enough to learn anything new at all. Oh, that was mean. Oops! As evidenced by the previous sentence, this positive attitude development regarding the dog might be harder to achieve than I originally thought. I am going to have to work hard and stay vigilant about my comments and emotions. It's going to be a tough row to hoe, and in thinking about all the work I need to do in this pet/owner relationship, it's just one more reason to add to the list of why I really hate that dog.
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