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| No apologies for being goofy!!!!! |
I had a friend tell me yesterday to never apologize for oneself. I think I had said, "I'm sorry I am so goofy." He replied, "Don't apologize for the things that make you, you." It's something I say a lot, and normally its just one of those things that pops out of my mouth and I never really hear it, let alone contemplate the ramifications of a statement like that. This time, however, his admonishment caught my attention, and I realized he's right. Unless a person has truly offended someone by objectionable behavior or words, one should never apologize for the innate qualities of oneself. It's an unnecessary act of self-negation, an invalidation of all the characteristics that make a person unique.
Either people will like you, or they won't. It's as simple as that. No more and no less. Apologizing or changing in an effort to garner someone's attention, respect, affection, or love isn't going to create an true connection anyway. It automatically lays a shaky foundation for an imbalanced and inauthentic relationship. Someone will always feel less than worthy because they are having to alter what makes him or her who he or she is. And someone who doesn't feel worthy and validated cannot sustain a healthy, honest relationship. Too many negative emotions abound and true contentment won't ever occur. Much like a plant, if a person spends time hiding parts of him or herself in the dark, he or she never blooms and any relationship or friendship he or she is in withers and eventually dies.Being true to oneself and one's personality traits from the onset allows for the development of a real relationship between two people.
In addition to helping a person be connected in healthy ways to other people, not apologizing for one's quirks and eccentricities helps a person to embrace them, thus becoming much more comfortable in one's own skin. When I think about it, I love my goofiness. It is the source of a great deal of laughter and joy for me. It allows me to engage in silliness for the sake of silliness, and it makes me feel light and happy. I don't ever need to say sorry for that. If it annoys someone else, that's his or her problem and not mine. I am comfortable and secure in my goofy nature and I am never making apologies for it again. It is a key aspect of who I am. I think from now on if someone reacts badly to my silliness, I'll just tell them its all part of my devastating charm and leave it at that.
Besides, we humans spend so much time hearing negative things that we don't need to reinforce the messages media, acquaintances, and advertising throw at us on a daily basis. Over a lifetime we imbibe the message that we aren't good enough, that we need to improve and be ever so much better than we are now. We shouldn't add to those negative messages with apologies for our personalities. Even if we don't consciously acknowledge it, the mere expression of apologizing for oneself has a detrimental effect on how we perceive ourselves, as well as our levels of self-esteem and self-worth. If something is valid, and all of our unique traits are valid, then it is unnecessary to excuse them. We should spend more time accepting and celebrating them instead.
Perhaps that is why I have a large group of acquaintances and a small group of friends. Not every "gets" me. But that's okay. I "get" me, I like me, and I am not apologizing for me anymore. I am who I am. Love me or leave me. The seriously funny thing about all of this is that I thought I was okay with me in the first place. I espoused all those things but I never realized that I kept saying sorry for this or that personality trait until my friend blatantly pointed it out to me. I'm really glad that he did. I like to think of myself as a work in progress and this little conversation pointed out that what I think is so true. I am still progressing. Every little bit of forward movement helps me to get where I want to be--happy and thoroughly unapologetic.
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