I am a curious person by nature. I like learning new stuff about pretty much everything. I enjoy the feeling of neural expansion when a novel piece of information attaches itself to something I already know, and the sensation of fitting together concepts, ideas and knowledge to create a big picture of how the world and its inhabitants work. Lately, for the past six months or so, I've been exploring religion. Religion and spirituality have always interested me and I have some unique ideas regarding faith and organized religion that I wanted to clarify. I decided in order to have a firm grasp on my own beliefs, I needed to understand as best as possible the world's major religions. Along the way, I've learned quite a few things, about religion, myself, and people in general. Some of what I have learned has debunked certain preconceived notions I held while other things have upheld my beliefs and ideas.
I am the first one to admit that I am somewhat of a dabbler in this penchant for knowledge acquisition. I am a taste tester of life, if you will. I like dipping my toes into the water in a variety of areas, and only rarely do I commit to a full-on swim. Whether or not this comprises a good trait, I honestly do not know. Being a Jane-of-all-trades and a master of none has both benefits and disadvantages. This type of learning means I know a little about a lot of subjects and I know a lot about very few. I am in essence, a generalist and not a specialist of information. When I started my comparative religious study, I think I unconsciously assumed I would be dipping toes again. This time, however, I somehow managed to fall into the water feet first and become fully submerged.
Being raised as a Christian, I decided to forgo that faith as a starting point. I know quite a bit about Christianity in regard to the basic doctrine, theology, and history of the Christian church. In addition, I felt fairly familiar with Judaism due to graduate studies and decided to save these two religions for last in my explorations. This left Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam. I know the basics of all three religions from my experience as a world history teacher and starting with any of them would have been a good choice. I went with Islam, however, because I've made some Muslim friends within the past year or two and decided to see what it was about their faith that they so appreciated. I also chose Islam because I am an ardent liberal and I thought that it would be good to understand a religion that I supported in the face of vehement denunciations by a lot of the right-wing, conservative acquaintances of mine. I also secretly liked the idea of being better armed for Facebook fights about religious freedom.
I started by reading the Quran. This then led me to seek out explanations of the surahs through articles as well as videos. I asked my Muslim friends questions regarding why they do certain things they do and what they interpreted the meaning of certain verses to be. The studying and conversation both enlightened and frustrated me. I must admit, reading the Quran allowed me to see how closely linked the religion is to both Christianity and Judaism. Most people have no clue that the Quran references both the Bible and the Torah and recognizes Jesus as a prophet. Most non-Muslims don't realize that there is a focus on mercy and forgiveness in the Quran as well as an expressed tolerance for other religions. As far as religious texts go, it was easy to read, made good sense, and fit with my idea that there is only one god and no one else. I can honestly say I enjoyed reading it.
On the frustrating side of the study, I found it incredibly hard to have an objective conversation with my Muslim friends regarding this religion as they always kept one eye on converting me. The conversations naturally bent towards all the wonderful aspects of Islam and didn't address the legitimate issues I had regarding certain verses, with how outside-oriented the faith is in regard to ritual, and the hellfire-and-brimstone focus of the doctrine. I couldn't seem to get an objective answer to many of these questions which then led me back to two of my original assumptions regarding religion in general. One cannot hold on an objective discussion with a zealot and people have a profound way of screwing up what would otherwise be beautiful religions.
Nonetheless, I decided that while I was still studying Islam, I would take advantage of participating in Ramadan this year. Ramadan consists of the ninth month of the Islamic calendar and is viewed as the holiest month of the year. Muslims observe strict fasting from sunrise until sunset which includes no eating, drinking, sexual relations, smoking and swearing. It is one of the Five Pillars of Islam and during this month, the blessings received from fasting are multiplied. During Ramadan, people follow the prayers with diligence during the day and spend the nights in prayer and recitation of the Quran. Throughout the month, Allah has closed the gates to Hell and thus no shaitan (devils) can whisper in a person's ear to cause them to go astray. It is a month in which to prove devotion and obeisance to God without any excuses.
I am about halfway through my first Ramadan. It's been an interesting experience to date. Initially as the first day of Ramadan grew close, I psyched myself up for the task ahead and alternated between an excitement of seeing what I could accomplish and a fear of failing in a very big way. Once I got started, though, I realized that I could do this. It wouldn't necessarily be easy, but it would be good for me in many ways. All religions acknowledge fasting as having positive benefits in spiritual growth, so it must be true.
So far, the experience of Ramadan has been a mixed bag of results. I have had both positive and negative experiences. I have discovered in myself a willpower and dedication that I did not think existed. I am proud that I have been able to fast all day long and remain mindful of my behavior and speech. I've enjoyed praying throughout the day, having conversations with God on regular basis. I feel as if I have improved in my thinking and behavior. On a superficial note, I've also lost eight pounds. On the flip side, I've had some negative experiences regarding Ramadan over the past two weeks as well. To be fair, however, these instances have involved other people and not so much the dictates of what God wants and expects from me. Some of my Muslim friends, upon finding out I decided to fast, felt as if I were mocking their faith. They immediately questioned my intention and sincerity. Others became hyper-critical of my behavior, pointing out that I was not doing things with perfection. More so than anything else, these experiences reinforced my belief that humans have the tendency to take a good thing and pick it apart until there is nothing beautiful left in it. Their behaviors strengthened my thought that religion in general divides rather than unites. It was one of the more unfortunate things I've discovered and I can honestly say their reactions disappointed me on a profound level because I had such hope they would be different.
All in all, I have had a good experience so far, but I have not had some grand epiphany regarding my ideas about God. Certain aspects of my personal spiritual beliefs have not changed and I still find parts of Islam troubling for me. I don't believe God hears a person better because he or she recites prayers just right. I think intention and belief count more than just rote memorization and perfected outside behaviors. I don't think a person has to stay away from everything that is pleasing in order to have a meaningful, impactful relationship with God. I think God is a god of love and not fear. I think God expects imperfection and values sincerity. Perhaps I have not found the right person yet to discuss these issues, but based on my personal explorations and experience this is how I currently feel, and until someone can convince me otherwise, I will more than likely continue feeling this way.
I will continue fasting and praying during the remainder of Ramadan. I made a commitment at the beginning of it and I am going to see it through to the end. And, as odd as it sounds, I am enjoying it. I am learning something new every day about Islam, the behaviors of its followers, and myself. For a dabbler and life-long learner, it is a wonderful experience and one I don't regret embarking upon. As a matter of fact, I like that I am not just dipping my toes, but really swimming this time. It feels really good.
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