The Proof is in the Pudding

One of my friend's mother passed away unexpectedly last week.  I felt badly for her because I know exactly what it is like to lose a parent suddenly.  Both of my parents died with little to no warning.  I remember how difficult it is, the initial period of grief and mourning, and while my heart went out to my friend, I can honestly say I felt relief that I'll never have to go through that particular situation again.  Losing my mother changed how I viewed the world. It brought home the idea in a visceral way that bad things happen to good people all the time and that the world is indeed very unfair in its dealing with its inhabitants.  The death of my father changed how I viewed myself, as it extinguished the role and expectations of being a daughter.  Profound changes can occur after the death of a parent, and I am left wondering how the death of my friend's mother will impact her life.

The other thing I thought about this past week concerns all the ways in which our parents still influence and direct our thoughts, actions, and behaviors even after they have departed this world.  I am fortunate in that I see and feel my parents every day in so many things that I do and think.  My parents influence is felt in big things like my ideas about morality, spirituality, and ethics to the little things like what meals I choose to make for dinner and how I prepare them.  They are with me every single day as long as I continue to remember and acknowledge their impact upon my life. I am hoping my friend feels the closeness of her mother in this way too.  It really does ease the grieving process when you think of them in that fashion.

I keep thinking of my children this week too. What kind of impact am I having upon them?  Am I giving them the security, the love, and the skills to be resilient, happy, productive people?  Am I showing them in both obvious and subtle ways how to live life well?  Am I mindful of how my behavior influences their behavior?  And above all else, am I a good mother? Am I doing things right?  I think all parents question themselves from time to time regarding how they are shaping their children, but it's moments like these that give rise to deeper introspection as well as to provide a catalyst for changes that need to be made in parental behaviors.

There are things that I need to do differently, I am sure about that.  There are things that I do pretty well too. Hopefully it all balances out at some point.  That's all we really can do anyway.  Try and change the things that aren't productive, strengthen the positive aspects, and hold onto the hope that we are enough for our children.  The proof, as the saying goes, is in the pudding.  And even if my pudding has a few lumps in it, as pudding is often wont to do, as long as it tastes good and satisfies, I will be happy.  I just want for my children what I had growing up--kind, responsible and loving parents who had a lasting, positive influence.  I'm working everyday to make that happen.