In all honesty, the times I have been the most successful in work, relationships, and my overall sense of self has been when I have surrendered. When I quit revisiting past hurts and hopes and I stopped stressing over what the future might hold, I could intently focus on what was happening in my life at a particular moment in time. I discovered that if I found joy, I held onto it with both hands and felt it in every atom of my body. If I experienced pain, I held that too, albeit as briefly as possible, so that I could understand it and pass through it to be fully present for the next moments of my life. I felt at peace, but also incredibly motivated to engage with the world and try to make as positive an impact as I could.
Over the last five years, my life has become increasingly rich, complex and at times, overwhelmingly busy. As I embraced more opportunities, I have come to understand myself more, yet also I have inadvertently alienated myself from the centeredness and sense of purpose that I worked so hard to cultivate. I feel like I am starting to tilt at windmills again, uselessly fighting against not so much the past, but the future.
For the past few months, I have been overthinking about what the future might hold, altering my behavior to try and manipulate all the variables that could create it. I've gotten hung up on what might be and failed to appreciate what is. I absolutely do not want to be this person. I am less centered, less peaceful, and more competitive and frustrated. I feel as if I have become more focused on petty, superficial goals than truly being connected to that which is larger than ourselves.
I think that's where the idea of surrendering entered my mind again. I need to quit fighting and just surrender to being present. I need to surrender to the idea that what comes from my thoughts and behavior should ultimately have their roots in the purity of my intent--to think and do because my intention is focused on what is best and what is right for this moment or situation.
I try to live my life by two particular adages. One from the Dalai Lama, "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." One from Theodore Roosevelt, "Do what you can with what you have where you are." Both speak to intent and action. With the intention of being kind and doing all you can to achieve the right thing for a particular point in time, a person can manifest positive outcomes for circumstances, relationships, work and life in general.
So I am waving the white flag. I surrender. I am giving myself to this moment--to the here and now. I am surrendering to aligning my intention to my actions. I surrender to being fully present, fully connected and doing what I can with what I have. By recommitting to being completely present, I am certain that the future is brighter than ever.
