Chip on Your Shoulder? Have a Cookie Instead

Some chips are better than others.

I like my chips in candy form, the kind that come in cookies or ice cream, definitely not on shoulders.  I've come across several people lately who seem to be manifesting a seriously negative attitude thinking either that the world is out to get them or that the world owes them something.  They are defensive at the drop of a hat, suspicious of everyone's intent or action, cynical and self-pitying. These people obviously don't realize the world doesn't care particularly that much one way or the other about them.  The universe tends to be ambivalent.

Individuals, I am sure, care deeply about these people.  On an interpersonal level, humans hold affection, interest, and sympathy for one another. They connect and invest time, emotion, and energy into one another, but the world in general does not.  It's a very neutral kind of place.  The universe isn't out to ruin your existence nor is it going to give you whatever you want just because you think you deserve it.

I know one man in particular who has allowed the chip on his shoulder to basically ruin his entire life.  For the sixteen years I have known him,  he has struggled with every aspect of living and he seems to be the most thoroughly unhappy person I have ever met.  He has little or no self-esteem and attempts to cover his self-loathing by being blustery and arrogant.  Regardless of the topic of conversation, he knows more, has done more, and has all the answers.  In addition, he suspects that everyone who interacts with him has ulterior motives to take advantage of him so he becomes defensive with even the most innocent comments.  Most people can only tolerate his company in short doses.   He's one of those people I classify as "toxic."  Spending more than fifteen minutes with him makes a person feel badly, like food poisoning.

 I used to feel sorry for him.  I pitied his circumstances and spent countless hours giving him advice in fixing his numerous problems.  His responses fell into two categories, "I tried that and it didn't work," or "That's impossible to do because of A, B, or C." It didn't take long for me to realize that I couldn't help him.  No one could. Once a person chooses to be a victim and embraces that mindset, nothing I can say or do will improve that attitude.  Fixing problems like that only have internal solutions, not external ones.  An innate desire to change one's mindset and view of the cosmos must be present in order for a person to begin living a mentally, emotionally and physically healthy life.

A person with a chip on his or her shoulder has problems changing because they put out so much negativity that they receive it back from others and from the world around them.  It becomes a vicious circle which for some people proves to be inescapable.  These people need support from others, but it takes an incredibly strong and patient person to remain supportive when the people they want to help have crafted their entire lives around being suspicious, cynical, and arrogant.  These Negative Nellies have developed skills to drive away people and to reinforce their skewed ideas about how the world works.

In thinking about this topic, I alternate between wanting to be supportive and wanting to avoid this type of person at all cost.  I think most people behave in a similar fashion.  That's why when someone does truly effect a permanent change in attitude and outlook it inspires so many other people.  To conquer one's own personal demons comprises one of the most difficult things we humans can ever do.  And when someone genuinely accomplishes that, we all look to him or her as being somehow stronger, braver, or more special than most people.  I sincerely hope that the people I know like this can conquer what ails them and remove the chips on their shoulders.  They too, should only want chips in cookies and ice cream.  It's a much sweeter way to go through life.