Mixed Bag of Goodies: Sharing and Thoughtfulness

Abby, Joshua, and Jack: Team Hallbeck

My two older children enjoyed a school carnival yesterday, celebrating the end of the school year.  They entered the house laden with a variety of kitschy toys, pickles, popcorn, and smiles from ear to ear.  My youngest son, old enough to realize he had been left out of the fun, didn't have two seconds to be jealous of their good fortune because they immediately opened their bags of treats and shared their bounty with him.  In that moment, when Jack told Joshua he could choose what he wanted from the pile of goodies and Abby specifically handed him the things she had rounded up for him, I realized my children have learned early on two of the best lessons for leading a happy life: thinking of others and sharing.

In my opinion, the happiest and most well-adjusted people have a healthy mix of being thoughtful of oneself and of other people.  People exist in this world who strike the perfect balance of taking care of themselves and their needs while at the same time being generous with others.  They know both the joy of self-satisfaction and self-sacrifice on behalf of another person, and that knowledge goes a very long way in making them loving, warm, confident, secure, generous, thoughtful people.

It's important to have that balance of self and others.  My children demonstrated this well yesterday too.  Joshua wanted a few more things that Abby and Jack had acquired, but they both firmly stood their ground and said, "Sorry, Josh.  These are our special things."  It pleased me to see that they didn't cave under the intense pressure of four-year-old tears, because I firmly believe that while sharing constitutes one of the best behaviors in humanity, it remains equally important to maintain a strong sense of self and an understanding that one should take care of his or her wants and needs as well.

Throughout my life, I have observed people who fall pretty much all over the thoughtfulness spectrum.  I've encountered one or two people who could reliably be labeled sociopaths.  They have absolutely no thought of people other than themselves.  They are completely devoid of any consideration for others and only do things that collaterally benefit someone else, never engaging in intentionally beneficial actions. They are manipulative, scary people who lack some fundamental chip of humanity.  I've also met people on the opposite end of the bell curve who have no thoughts of themselves and go through life behaving like martyrs-all self-sacrifice and no sense of self whatsoever.  They chain their sense of self-worth to doing everything for someone else and nothing for themselves. They lack individual, discrete identity and never truly know themselves.

 These two extremes book-end limitless variations of other-centered and self-centered behaviors.  The majority of people in the world manage pretty well in creating a mix of behaviors, but only a rare few get it really right.  One can just look at these people and sense that they have an understanding, a secret knowledge that lights them from the inside-out.  These balanced individuals shine, and whether people consciously acknowledge that brilliant quality for what it actually is, they definitely see it, feel it, and experience it.

My children aren't perfect.  Perfection does not exist in this world.  Nonetheless, I think they are well on their way to developing a healthy attitude towards sharing, generosity, self-fulfillment, and overall thoughtfulness.  I am so very proud of them for so many reasons, but it remains this quality of caring for others, being empathetic and compassionate, and loving well that pleases me most.  Each time I catch them in an act of kindness, I praise them for being sweet and thoughtful.  I want them to continue to foster this habit of generosity because I know that it will benefit them in their interpersonal relationships and allow them greater chances for personal satisfaction and overall happiness.   In sum, all I really want for them is to be happy and fulfilled and I am going to always try my best to foster those skills, attitudes, and behaviors that will allow them to achieve that.  In striking that balance of self-sacrifice/self-fulfillment for myself, I help them do the same, and I remain grateful to my children every single day for reminding me to be as balanced as possible.