For Me? You Shouldn't Have!

One of the hardest things that I have had to learn as I've grown older has been the ability to accept things with grace.  I've never been comfortable receiving gifts, attention, compliments, or random generosity on the part of others.  I feel perpetually clumsy at being given things from people.  It seems as if I always say the wrong things. I either insult the giver by protesting the gift as if I am not worthy of it, or I give too many effusive thank yous making the giver feel awkward. I've always admired someone who strikes just the right note of graciousness in accepting a gift, just the right protest and the perfect thank you.  It is a skill I have yet to master.

The funny thing about this is that I have always been exceptionally lucky in being given things by people in my life.  I have absolutely no luck in cards, but I've been incredibly lucky in work and love.  I've done well in school and as a teacher, and I have received accolades for jobs well done, for high performance, and for skill.  Even when justified by the hard work I put into achievement, I never comfortably enjoyed being the center of attention during moments of recognition.  Keen embarrassment at being singled out as well as an abiding suspicion that somehow I would be discovered as a fraud always tempered any pleasure I gained in receiving awards or acknowledgement.

In addition to work, I've been lucky in my life to have both family and friends that have been incredibly generous with me in terms of being given things.  I've received presents on both a large and small scale, money, time, support, and advice.  People in my life seem to want to please me or feel as if I am in need of gifts for one reason or another.  So with all this practice at receiving, one would think I would be able to do it with grace and aplomb instead of feeling like a complete clodhopper.

I don't think I am alone in this inability to accept things graciously.  I think it afflicts most people and I most often see this awkwardness with the receipt of compliments.  Compliments constitute the most frequent type of gift, a host of words praising a someone for personal attributes or abilities.  Many people just don't handle well taking a compliment.  Some feel genuinely unworthy of the kind words and they reflect that lack of self-worth by deflecting praise.  Others feel that if they don't behave humbly in the face of compliments, people will view them as arrogant and self-serving.  Still others suspect true compliments for flattery and disbelieve them because of constant cynicism or suspicion.  In any case, most people will protest a compliment at first and then grudgingly or as in my case, too effusively say thank you.

I've been working at saying just the right words in just the right tone and with just the right frequency when I accept a gift.  Much like anything else in life that we aren't born with, saying thank you well is a skill to be learned, or rather re-learned.  Have you ever watched a child get something they've really wanted or that has really pleased them?  They do it with a genuine, sincere, full-body thank you that brings enormous pleasure to the giver.  I think that is one reason why most parents (myself included) have a tendency to go overboard at Christmas and birthdays.  It is just so much fun to be able to make someone else that happy and to have them let you know truly how pleased they are without any self-aware awkwardness. Somewhere along the way, kids become self-conscious and aware that it is somehow socially acceptable to protest a gift so as not be seen as greedy, selfish, or arrogant.  And then, they become as bad at thank yous as the rest of us.

I have to remind myself to be more child-like in the receiving of presents or compliments or recognition.  I need to just give a genuine, sincere, full-body thank you and enjoy thoroughly what I have been given.  Learning to receive well is as much a gift to the giver as being given something tangible and we should all remember that.  Sincerity and appreciation always make for the very best thank yous.