Touch: Red Headed Stepchild of the Senses

Out of the physical senses, I think most people underrate the impact of touch.  Because it isn't as immediate as sight and hearing, it falls towards the bottom of the list. It is like the red headed stepchild of the five senses. In my opinion, however, it comprises one of the more powerful senses we humans possess.  It has the ability to soothe, reassure, pleasure, heal, and satisfy.  It also has the opposite effect of causing pain, terror, discomfort, dissatisfaction and insecurity.  It is extremely important to be aware of the power touch holds. Unfortunately, touching seems to be a forgotten sense because most people don't pay attention to it regularly.  It just exists on a mostly subconscious level. People only become aware of it when the intensity of a response to touch, either positive or negative, increases to noticeable levels.

I hold some very vivid memories of touch from my childhood.  The great majority of them are positive memories, although a few still to this day evoke negative feelings in me.  The negative touching occurred primarily at the hands of bullies, but my home life compensated greatly for any negativity I encountered at school.  Both my mother and father displayed frequent physical affection with my sister and I, giving us plenty of hugs, kisses, cuddles and tickles.  I remember my mother reaching behind her seat on long car drives just to pat my knee or leg and also how I felt when she did that.  I felt remembered, loved, secure, and happy.  I try to do the same for my children, randomly yet frequently giving them positive experiences with touch.  More than words, positive touches create a warm, safe, loving environment for children in which to grow and thrive. If children don't receive enough physical reassurance and affection they don't do nearly as well emotionally.  Touch is incredibly important to healthy human development.

People also sometimes notice the absence of touch when they go long periods of time without being hugged, patted, or held by someone else.  I can recall vividly recognizing this "missing" feeling during my freshman year in college.  I lived in an all-girls dorm of.three floors with mostly freshman ladies who shared two people to a room.  The girls, as I recall, mostly got along with one another and people would wander from room to room casually visiting..  One odd thing I noticed, however, happened towards the end of the first semester.  The ladies began engaging in more wrestling, playful punching, and physical harassment of one another. Even I noticed a marked increase in my desire to positively wail on my friends. These urges could happen just about anywhere.

On one occasion, as I stood in line next to my friend waiting patiently to get a drink at a mall kiosk, I had an overwhelming desire to reach out and slap her exposed arm.  I did just that and she shrieked "Bitch!" at the top of her lungs.  After I stopped laughing at her shocked expression and of those looks we received from the people around us, she asked me why I did it.  I can recall telling her that I had no idea why, but after thinking about it, I realized it was because I hadn't been touched or touched someone in a long, long time.   The girls in my dorm experienced this too and collectively had begun to miss the random, yet frequent touches they would receive or give when they lived at home with their parents and families.  They compensated subconsciously by creating reasons and situations to touch one another, even though they seemed to reduce it toplayfully beating on one another.  After the wrestling sessions, the mood of the dorm would be lighter, happier, and more content.  Just like happy children who receive hugs from their parents, the girls felt better.

I think I will go hug my kids now.  Just writing about the act of touching makes me want to scoop them into my arms and squeeze them tightly.  I know they will giggle and laugh at my sudden display of love and the idea of that makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy. When my husband comes home, I will surprise him at the door with a kiss and a hug too.  After a hard day at work, nothing feels quite as good as being welcomed home with a hug.  I definitely think it's going to be a happy evening in the Hallbeck home.  Go hug someone and be happy too!