Currently I am struggling with a deep-seated, instinctual reaction to a new aspect in my life. I am trying very hard to determine if my gut instincts are coming from a true, rational area of my mind or if I am being irrational and not reacting to the thing itself, but to the circumstances surrounding it. I am really trying to give the benefit of the doubt to the situation, but I am finding it incredibly difficult to do so.
One of the reasons I am so resistant in believing I am behaving irrationally is that nine times out of ten my first initial, gut reaction proves to be an accurate one, especially regarding people. Very rarely have I ever had to eat my words when I give my opinion about the innate goodness or badness (for lack of a better term) about a person. I am intuitive, I read subtle physical and verbal clues, and I get "vibes" from people. From my earliest memories I can recall being immediately struck by the energy of a person, either in a positive or negative way. Without ever consciously realizing it, people emanate vibrations or waves of positive or negative energy, and for some reason, I seem to be in tune with it.
Generally, I avoid those people who raise the hair on the back of my neck. If I feel an inchoate, uncomfortable sensation with someone I generally do not spend much time with him or her. I trust that sixth sense, that floating, tickling sensation that keeps prodding at me to keep my eyes open and to be wary. It hasn't failed me yet. However, certain circumstances necessitate my interaction with these people and I have to stuff down that little voice so that I may behave properly and civilly with them. It takes most of my will power to not shout out, "I know you! I see you!" but somehow I manage. It also takes a tremendous amount of will power not to share my opinions with others regarding the energy I perceive from some people. I don't want to cloud anyone's judgment, but I will say I do feel validated when others give unsolicited opinions regarding someone that matches my own.
The big question I have been asking myself lately, however, is "When is it necessary to eventually say something about how I feel?" Where do I draw the line between the preservation of peace and the protection (or what I view as a warning) of others in regard to specific people I believe embody negative or even dangerous qualities? I want to be certain that I say something out of concern for others and not because I am complaining about how the situation affects me. I want others to view my opinion as being completely objective and good-intentioned, and not as a subjective, personality-driven episode of bellyaching. These are not my only concerns.
In addition, if I do choose to speak up, I worry about unleashing a can of worms that I cannot possibly put back if my opinion isn't taken well. I have already imagined the discord and strife the expression of my feelings could cause. It's not a pretty vision in my head and has been the key element in keeping me quiet. By the same token, I fear the regret I will feel when negative things happen and I failed to say anything that could have possibly prevented them from occurring. It is a fine line to walk and has dominated my thoughts for quite some time now.
I hold this sneaking suspicion, nonetheless, that I will be unable to keep my mouth shut for long. I am not known for having limitless patience or for keeping what I consider to be well-thought-out opinions to myself, especially if they could be more helpful than harmful. I may just have to adopt a "let the chips fall where they may" attitude and do what I think is right. I know that if I don't follow both my instincts as well as my deeply pondered rational thought on this matter I will come to regret remaining silent. Wish me luck on being tactful and having a good reception for my words. In this particular case, I know I am going to need it.
The big question I have been asking myself lately, however, is "When is it necessary to eventually say something about how I feel?" Where do I draw the line between the preservation of peace and the protection (or what I view as a warning) of others in regard to specific people I believe embody negative or even dangerous qualities? I want to be certain that I say something out of concern for others and not because I am complaining about how the situation affects me. I want others to view my opinion as being completely objective and good-intentioned, and not as a subjective, personality-driven episode of bellyaching. These are not my only concerns.
In addition, if I do choose to speak up, I worry about unleashing a can of worms that I cannot possibly put back if my opinion isn't taken well. I have already imagined the discord and strife the expression of my feelings could cause. It's not a pretty vision in my head and has been the key element in keeping me quiet. By the same token, I fear the regret I will feel when negative things happen and I failed to say anything that could have possibly prevented them from occurring. It is a fine line to walk and has dominated my thoughts for quite some time now.
I hold this sneaking suspicion, nonetheless, that I will be unable to keep my mouth shut for long. I am not known for having limitless patience or for keeping what I consider to be well-thought-out opinions to myself, especially if they could be more helpful than harmful. I may just have to adopt a "let the chips fall where they may" attitude and do what I think is right. I know that if I don't follow both my instincts as well as my deeply pondered rational thought on this matter I will come to regret remaining silent. Wish me luck on being tactful and having a good reception for my words. In this particular case, I know I am going to need it.
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