Thursday, June 15, 2017

Making Room

I've been thinking a lot lately about the people who populate one's life.  Some arrive on purpose and others just pop up seemingly out of nowhere.  How a person comes to you is pretty easily answered-either you made the effort to place them there or they randomly fell in through circumstance. The real question I think most people have, however, is who stays and who goes and why that is.  I like to think that we have some modicum of control over who sticks around, and oftentimes we do, but my experience seems to validate the idea that fate really plays a major role in this arena.  

A person can behave in such a way to either keep or chase off people.  He or she can be abrupt or warm, insulting or complimentary, thoroughly disengaged or actively participating in a relationship. How we behave and what we say and do has an impact on who remains and who leaves.  But then, every now and again, people disappear for no reason at all or someone who was gone returns.  It seems as if the Universe has an agenda or timeline and just does what it sees fit to do in regard to who shares your life. 

Sometimes I feel as if I can actually sense the Universe pulling people out of my life.  The past twelve months seemed like a year of goodbyes.  The harder I tried to hold onto things and people who were important to me, the more I could feel the bonds.stretch and tear.  It was an uncomfortable feeling.  Painful, even.  It left me doubting myself, wondering what was so wrong with me that people didn't want me in their lives.  And then, somewhere during those months of feeling abandoned and bereft, I realized that I didn't have to think of this cycle in my life negatively.  I likened the process to spring cleaning-getting rid of the old, worn out aspects of my life and making room for the new.  Holding onto anything or anyone that doesn't readily want to stay or that serves no meaningful purpose only makes it more difficult to jump forward into something better, healthier, and happier.

It's inexplicable, but when I transitioned to actively thinking of the goodbyes as necessary and well-intentioned, I not only felt more free and at peace, but some people came back.  People whom I thought were gone forever returned to me. When I let go and truly meant it, wishing them well, they appeared again.  Others stayed gone, and in retrospect, I see how good that was for me.  Some people are only meant to be there for a short time until the lesson is learned.  Some stay forever.  And some thought to be lost and never to return show up again as if it were meant to be. The relationships and friendships may not be the same incarnations as before, but often they are better for having had the distance and separation.  Like an artist or an author who returns to a piece after leaving it alone, you see it with new eyes and a sense of depth that did not exist before.  There can be new levels of appreciation and understanding which makes for more enriching experiences.

I've seen this phenomena in not only my life, but in others as well.  I have one friend in particular who is where I was last year, holding on and stuck in a cycle of hellos and goodbyes.  It's taking its toll and all I want to do is have her let go, to be unafraid, and to see what the Universe has in store. Like most things, it is easier said than done.  Nevertheless, I still hold hope in my heart that she reaches the spring cleaning stage in her life.  When she does, I think she will learn to not have too many expectations for who stays and who goes.  It took me awhile, but I now know that the only thing I can really do is be me and listen to my intuition. I need let go when everything is telling me that is what must happen and to be unafraid to embrace the room made for the new.  I'm looking forward to seeing what happens and how that increased room will be filled.

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