The Art of Being Nice

So, here's my very first blog.  I called it Sister-in-Law's Advice because I seem to fill the role of unpaid therapist for my family and friends.  Even my crochety brother-in-law occasionally asks me what to do when he's in a jam. I generally provide a good ear for listening, a shoulder to cry on, validating murmurs and then sound advice.  Whether or not they apply what I tell them is a different story, but most of my ideas are sound, solid, and pragmatic.

Recently my family and I came back from vacation where we spent a week in my childhood  home. My husband, my three children, my sister, my brother-in-law, their two children, and my father were there celebrating Independence Day.  Such closeness for seven days with ten people in 2500 square feet triggered my thoughts regarding manners, tact, and being nice to one another.  We had a really good time together, doing all the traditional things we do for the Fourth of July such as barbecuing, playing darts and board games, going to the parade, wandering around our tiny town and sharing childhood memories with our kids.  Nonetheless, there were moments throughout the week where I realized had we used more manners, taken less for granted, cooperated and did our fair share of chores, and saw situations from all perspectives and not just our own, things would have gone more smoothly. 

Thus, I began to think about what it takes to move smoothly through the world.  I've always believed that a person could tell another person was a gentleman or a lady by how they made other people feel when they were around him or her.  Ladies and gentlemen move smoothly through the world because they use their manners.  They consider what their words mean to other people.  They think before they speak and really try to go out of their way to ensure that whomever they are with feel good.  They are tactful when they give criticism, they are appreciative when they've received hospitality, they are accomodating when it is necessary for the good of the whole environment, they are assertive when they need to get their point across, and above all they are nice.  I try to strive for being nice every day.  I want people to enjoy my company, my home, my hospitality, and to feel good when they are with me. 

If more people said "please" and "thank you" and "you're welcome," this world would be a better place to navigate.  If they cooperated with each other, tried to do things that made other people feel good, contributed what they could for the betterment of situations, and in general gave their best efforts in regard to others, life would be much easier.  These are the basic rules for being nice.

Even with the rules, there is an art to being nice.  It takes raw talent, but it also takes practice and perseverence.  Niceness takes time to cultivate into second nature, but once it becomes a part of a person's behavior patterns, it is much ingrained like the skill of riding a bike.  A person will always remember how to do it.  The trick to elevating the artform is to keep the idea of being nice in the forefront of one's mind and to apply it to all situations where other people besides oneself is involved.

I constantly try to perfect my artform.  I tried really hard this past week to let others see and feel my niceness.  Somedays I am better than others.  At the very least, if I keep at it every day, my world will continue to be a lot more smooth and even than if I did not.