Not Fit For Human Consumption

Tonight  my brother-in-law celebrated his 43rd birthday with a backyard barbecue.  He invited his friends, some of his family and my family.  Eleven adults and eight children attended.  The kids swam in the pool and played on the trampoline while the adults chatted and mingled.  Because I am somewhat of a worrier, I kept an eye on the my two boys while they were swimming.  At three and five years, I get nervous when they swim with bigger children because the older kids play roughly and don't pay attention to the little ones.  I also kept a close watch on my boys when they played on the trampoline.  This is primarily due to the fact my husband is an insurance agents and reminds me frequently of the statistics regarding trampoline injuries. 

Therefore, I somewhat isolated myself from the adult conversation to go sit and watch over the kids.  By the same token, no one came over to talk with me either.  I think they thought I was too overprotective. I also got the feeling that my brother-in-law's other guests got the impression that I am either snobbish or standoffish, which is not really the case.  I am  usually a very polite, sociable person.  Especially if I enjoy the company of the people with whom I am socializing.

Unfortunately, tonight I could not get comfortable enough to just sit at the table and talk.  My discomfort stemmed from needing to watch the children, but also from feeling a lack of connnection with the other guests at the party.  Several of the people I knew well and liked, but when one or two others are thrown into the mix, the entire balance becomes offkilter.  I suppose I should have persevered in my attempts to join in the conversation but tonight I decided I just did  not have the energy to expend in pretending to be interested in people who make uncomfortable for one reason or another.  My tolerance for this type of "faking it" grows less and less the older I get. 

It is times like these that I determine I am not fit for human consumption and it is best to remove myself from whatever situation I am in.  If I cannot be jovial and participatory, I think I should just leave.  That's what I did tonight.  I made my excuses, said I had a headache, which truly was the case, and left with the boys.  I worry sometimes that I am not stretching myself enough and I am becoming too comfortable in doing the things I have always done.  I wonder if not making more of an effort tonight in talking to these people means that I am slowly losing my flexibility and patience with people and situations where I am outside of my comfort zone.  I certainly hope not.  I do not want to become a person who is not open to new ideas, experiences and people but I also don't want to waste my time on things I don't enjoy. 

I guess I need to think about it some more.  The jury is still out regarding my behavior tonight. I don't want to become an curmudgeon, but I also don't want to just sit there and take it.  I guess I will just shoot for a nice balance of things and call it a day.  I am probably overthinking the situation anyway.