Many people hold the idea that if a person talks to him or herself, then he or she is slightly nutty or at the very least eccentric. Nonetheless, the majority of people at some time or another engage in self-talk. It can be motivational, critical, therapeutic, or humorous, and some people are definitely better at it than others. I consider myself the super-ninja of self-talk. One thing I have come to understand, however, is that talking to oneself does constitute craziness. It is just normal, healthy self-expression.
Today I had a great number of things to accomplish and very little motivation to achieve any of the goals I had set for myself. My father, who suffered a stroke six years ago, lives alone and I clean his house every Sunday. I missed last week due to the holiday and I knew it was going to be a bigger job than usual. I had also planned on shampooing my own carpets which had been artfully decorated by my three piglets who manage to spill, saturate and stain almost every inch of it. In addition, making homeade enchiladas awaited me at the end of all this housecleaning. When I woke this morning my motivation managed to sleep in and refused to be roused in any way, shape, or form.
After two cups of coffee and the equivalent in cigarettes, I could still hear my motivation snoring away. I started what I always do when I don't feel like accomplishing anything....I began to repeat out loud the things I needed to get done. This is one of those habits that drives my husband crazy. We've been married almost fourteen years and it never fails to amuse me that he must comment on my particular behavior in this regard every single time. Even with his snarky comments, my method of motivation began to work for me, and I roused myself to go to my dad's house and get it cleaned. I then came home and continued to repeat out loud the list of things I needed to finish. Lo and behold, I managed to get everything done and then some. This is a perfect example of how self-talk can motivate. I also find that it helps me to organize my thoughts and gives me some clarity about the priority of my goals.
I also talk to myself when I am angry or frustrated about things. I have a tendency to mutter under my breath, and occasionally yell at the top of my lungs to no one inparticular when I am very upset. This also has a beneficial function, it relieves my stress. In addition, it helps me to avoid unneccessary conflict with my spouse or other friends and family, as well as to again, clarify my exact thoughts on the situation. It can be very productive, but I do have to be careful about what I say. I need to remind myself that my children constantly observe my behavior and then sometimes repeat it, much to my chagrin. I already have two very well-developed self-talkers out of the three kids. I can hear them muttering down the hallway when they are sent to their rooms for being naughty. My husband usually just shakes his head, smiles, and puts all the blame on me for this. To rat him out, however, he does the same exact thing. Our children come by this trait honestly.
The most harmful self-talk consists of the critical variety. Everyone has audio loops that play in his or her head of all the negative things that people think about themselves. Sometimes this internal audio becomes external and we actually speak outloud all the horrible things we believe ourselves to be. It can be an immensely difficult behavior or habit to stop, but when a person recognizes it for the damaging thing it is, he or she should quit engaging in that personal criticism immediately. It never helps a person and it always hurts. If a person is going to talk to him or herself, it should be positive. Pats-on-the-back, congratulations for a job well done, or just verbal affirmation of one's own special abilities and talents are important for strengthening one's self-worth.
I have one other form of self-talk that I actually thoroughly enjoy. I have a tendency, when I am alone and bored with no outside distractions to verbalize my dreams for the future. I speak out loud all of the things that I would like to be or to have accomplished in my life as if I were already there. Usually it is in the form of an interview where I am both the interviewer and the person being interviewed. It sounds silly and slightly schitzophrenic, but it is amusing and it actually makes me feel good. It also helps me to bring into focus those things that I want that are truly important for me and my family. Besides, a little wishful thinking, especially in its more active form such as this, can actually draw positive forces into a person's life to help him or her achieve dreams. I have never mentioned this peculiar habit to anyone, but the older I get, the more comfortable I am in sharing my eccentricities.
So, everyone, remember that if you can't find a good conversation with someone else, you can always start one with yourself. You might be surprised at how much you enjoy your own company and how much you can learn from yourself. Besides, you might even have a laugh or two at your own expense or make one or two dreams come true.
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