Recent events in my life and in the lives of those whom I love have made me contemplate the nature of parenting and motherhood, specifically. For me, becoming a mother constitutes both the most significant blessing of my life as well as the most important obligation of my life. When I decided to have children, I knew that I would no longer occupy the top spot on my list of priorities. My wants and needs would automatically take a backseat to the wants and needs of my children. I entered into this arrangement with my eyes wide open to that particular fact, and I have never once regretted my decision to be last on my list. My miracles, Abigail, Jack and Joshua fulfill me in a way that nothing else ever could. They complete me. In return for this fulfillment I experience because of them, I have the most sincere, deep, and sacred obligation to raise them well.
As any parent knows, raising children can be stressful, difficult, tiring, and even monotonous. Parenting on occasion sucks up your energy, your creativity, your sexuality, even your personality. Some overwhelming days make you long for escape, to have a few moments of time to just breathe, think, and be alone. Nonetheless, children fill your life with a special kind of joy that makes all the hard work, stress, and self-sacrifice worthwhile. It only takes one instance where your child does something new, says something sweet or remarkable, or thoroughly experiences his or her own joy, and every difficult moment, every stressful circumstance morphs into something better. Seeing the world through the eyes of my children creates a refuge inside myself where I can deal with feeling unappreciated, overworked and overwhelmed. It allows me to refocus on them and ensures that I am always doing my best in raising them to be secure, happy and productive people.
I get so frustrated when I see parents failing their children by being self-absorbed and indifferent. Children need routine, structure, boundaries, unconditional love, discipline and most importantly attention. Kids need to know that no matter how they behave, regardless of the goodness or mischief they make, that their parents see them, know them, and acknowledge them. Without this foundation of constant parental concern and interest in their lives, children may become aimless, easily influenced and develop feelings of worthlessness. Parental indifference and inattentiveness damages a child so deeply that it can take a lifetime to recover from the effects. I just want to smack those parents who can't be bothered with placing their children as their top priorty in their lives. They don't deserve to have kids. If a person refuses to honor the blessings they've been given, they shouldn't have those blessings in the first place. That may sound harsh, and it probably is, but I just can't countenance hurting a child needlessly. I loathe it. Children didn't ask to be born. They don't ask for anything other than to be loved and taken care of. So when a person neglects that obligation, that responsibility of raising their children well, I get so damned angry.
Far be it from me to say that I am the best mother in the world. I know good and well that I am not. I get angry, I yell on occasion, I have days where I am not the most present person in my children's lives. I am a work in progress and room for improvement as a parent always exists with me. Nonetheless, I wake up every morning and the first thoughts in my mind turn towards my children. Every day I am mindful that they require my attention, my concern, my love, and my energy. I owe them this because I chose to bring them into this world. I owe them these things because their mere presence in my life makes it so much better. It is my hope and my dream that all parents realize their good fortune and luck in being able to have children bless their lives and to treat those blessings with the respect, love, and attention they deserve. I sincerely hope my dream comes true one day, and that all children realize what miracles they truly are.
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