Karaoke Life Lessons: Enjoying the Skin You Are In

Last night I went to karaoke.  My sister and her friend intended to meet me there at 10pm precisely, but did not arrive until almost midnight.  I had not been in a bar by myself in a very long time.  It felt weird to just be in the midst of a bunch of people and be obviously, significantly alone.  Nonetheless, I think I handled it well.  I walked confidently to the bar, ordered a beer, and placed my name in rotation for the singing.  Then I found a table and just sat back and observed people.  I fiddled with my phone for a bit, making it seem as if I were busy texting and not self-consciously sitting there.  After a few minutes of that, I put my phone down and I did some thinking about being alone and about why I even cared about how it looked to other people.  I actually really thought about the emotions coursing through me....a little anxiety, a little irritation, and some chagrin at even giving a damn about being on my own. After half a beer and some introspection, I happily determined that my feelings of anxiety and irritation were unnecessary, and if I had to, I could go out alone again and still have a good time. Another beer and two songs later when my sister and friend arrived, I was completely in my element, and enjoying myself thoroughly. 

Karaoke has become much more than just an evening out for me.  It is a place where I start really thinking about things for some reason, and I always learn something when I am least expecting it.  I have enjoyed my own company for as long as I can remember, but there are certain environments which usually require friends, a bar being one of them.  In certain circumstances, friends buffer you from feeling exposed or vulnerable. They empower you. Last night, however,  I realized that I am completely okay being alone pretty much anywhere I go these days.  Whatever discomfort I feel eventually passes and as long as I act confidently, things generally go very smoothly.  I need to remind myself to just act naturally and be me.  My me is good enough for being with company or being on my own, and there is no reason to feel anxious about anything.

I am really trying not to over think things lately.  It's when you start thinking too much that you become self-conscious.  I see this in my oldest son, Jack.  He thinks way too much and thus exhibits more shyness than my other two children.  They live quite a bit more in the moment than Jack does, and I wish he had more of their ability to just be present and not be concerned about anything else.  Maybe as I age, I will become a better model for him in this regard.  I am going to be more present in everything I do, and more willing to put myself in situations where I am not terribly comfortable, but still work within the parameters of them to have a good time.  I want Jack to be able to do that...feel comfortable in his own skin wherever he goes.  I think it is one of the better gifts I could give to him, and definitely one I know he would appreciate.