A couple of nights ago, my sister invited me to go to a karaoke bar with her. Normally, I just stay home in the evenings, but the children had been, as my friend describes them, "butt barnacles" all day. It was hot in my house and my husband didn't care, so off I went. Back in my single days, I used to go to karaoke quite often. I guess I could have been considered a regular, and I had a set of songs I enjoyed singing, although I never quite cut loose even to thoroughly enjoy myself. I have always been somewhat shy and reticent to really behave crazily in public, so while my voice was pretty good, I never had what anyone would call a passionate singing style.
So, once there, I perused the books, found a couple of songs that I thought would be fun, and waited for my turn. Back in my twenties, I would have a couple of beers, sit nervously until my name was called, and then tensely sing my song. Amazingly, this time, I realized I just didn't care what other people thought of me when I sang. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and tried songs that I never would have considered when I was younger. That night, I talked to really interesting people I wouldn't have given a second glance when I was younger. I laughed, I sang, I drank, I had a ball. The liberating effect of age, marriage, and being comfortable in my own skin coalesced into one heck of a night of karaoke and it got me to thinking about the benefits of growing older.
I am 38 years old and will soon be 39. I am completely middle-aged, and it doesn't bother me at all. Of course I would like the energy of 22 or even 27, and the stamina to stay up really late and be alert the next day like I was in my mid-twenties, but I wouldn't trade what I have now for any of that. I like being in my 30s and I am not afraid of my 40s. I know who I am, I appreciate all of my talents and gifts in a way that I never did before, and I am secure about who I am. I am old enough now to know myself. I know what I want, how I want things done, what I am capable of, and what I like in other people. Aging to me is not an unpleasant thing like it is for many people. I don't view my life as being half over, but moreso being halfway to perfection. Every day I get older is another opportunity to become the best me and to know myself better than before.
I left the bar that night feeling really good about myself and with the realization that I am truly happy to be where I am right now with myself. I enjoy my life more because I don't have that shyness that came with being younger and being more concerned about what other people think of me. Right now, I don't particularly care because I know what I think of myself and I am happy with that. Besides, someone once told me and I truly believe this that a person should never be concerned entering a room and believing that everyone is focusing on that person. Ninety-nine percent of the people are thinking about themselves and whether or not other people are thinking of them to even be remotely interested in the new guy. Truly amazing insight on that one, I think. Generally, karaoke provides good times, good friends, and good drinks, but the other night, it provided some wonderful introspection. To think I learned that much about myself at some dive bar singing "Love Shack" by the B52s!
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