Expectation vs. Obligation

Recently I had a conversation with a friend regarding the expectations people have set for him and the ones he holds for himself.  He wants to take one direction for his life, and his family would like him to take another route entirely. I have also been thinking about my own situation.  I have expectations for where I would like my life to go and what I would like to do with it, but the expectations of others often bump abrasively against what I want to happen.  Therefore, I've been thinking about expectations in general, but more so, how one deals with melding personal expectations with familial obligations. 

Sometimes the ideas of the people who love us and worry for us dovetail with the goals or desires we have for ourselves.  The additional support and reinforcement aids in helping individuals achieve their goals or to meet their objectives. A shared outlook mentally and emotionally fortifies a person and often makes achievement easier.  In many instances, however, personal and family expectations don't mesh.  The disparity between the two sets of ideas can cause a great deal of stress and dissonance in relationships.  

Consistently failing to meet the expectations of those we love and who love us causes resentment, guilt, and negative feelings.  Those emotions run both ways and can permanently alter a relationship. It is imperative to come to an early understanding of what you want and on which ideas you are willing to compromise. A person should define clearly what he or she wants and then communicate it meaningfully and concisely to the people who have different ideas for them.  Being open and honest may be difficult, but it goes a long way in reconciling what others want for us and what we want for ourselves.  Once all the cards are on the table, then both parties can discuss how they might meet in the middle.  For me, the most important aspect of all this is the honesty.  Being honest with oneself and with the people in one's life creates an atmosphere which fosters mutual respect, regard and love.

In a perfect world, everyone would be able to enjoy true self-determination without feeling the tug and pull of family obligations.  We would be able to develop and grow into ourselves without having to take detours to meet the expectations of others.  But, we do not live in utopia.  Everything we do impacts someone else and we are impacted by them.  Nothing exists in a vacuum, so we are who we are and we do what we do not only based on our personal drives and desires, but based on fulfilling the needs of family and friends.  So, in my humble opinion, the best way a person can meld personal expectations with family obligations is to be open, honest, communicative and willing to compromise when necessary.  And somehow, if we are lucky and if we work hard, we will all end up where we are supposed to be anyway.