The More Things Change The More They Stay The Same

The entire previous year of 2011 started off oddly and finished much in the same fashion.  In many ways, the year moved along quietly and everything seemed somewhat subdued. All of our holidays have been quieter than normal and even the daily rhythm of my life has been "off" but not necessarily in a bad way--just different. It has been a strange year altogether but while so different from most of the other years in my life, the fundamental aspects have remained the same, and in many cases have even been strengthened.

The recent New Year's celebration followed suit with all our other holidays this year. We spent New Year's Eve at home as a family, just our little five-some. The children built a huge tent in the living room and camped out most of the evening, periodically leaving their dark confines to go watch fireworks outside or snag some snacks.  They finally crashed out around 10:30 pm and my husband and I shared a few drinks before calling it a night ourselves.  The next day, I cooked all day long, making a family traditional meal of Sicilian spaghetti with braised spare ribs. We also enjoyed cabbage and black eyed peas which we have always eaten for luck and prosperity for the upcoming year. ( I think everyone could use a little luck in 2012, wherever they can get it.) My father, sister, and two nephews shared the meal with us, and everyone had a good time. The holiday, like all of the previous holidays for 2011 passed peacefully, pleasantly and quietly.  The quiet aspect to the day marks the biggest change in my extended family structure and the nature of our current family holidays.

That might sound odd, but the lack of chaos, tension, and arguing has profoundly affected the "feeling" that permeates the holidays we share with my family.  I cannot think of a previous holiday that didn't pass without a major fight or sour words being spoken. Changing circumstances in family structures caused that to disappear.  The chronic negativity has ceased to exist.  I am not quite sure what has replaced it, maybe a sense of dissatisfaction or ennui at the moment for some family members, but the tension just isn't there.  It's amazing to get through a holiday where everyone is present and no one argues.  I think it has taken me about this long to figure out what the difference has been, but I am happy to say that I finally understand what has changed.  Things are just plain pleasant at family gatherings now, and it hasn't been that way in a very, very long time.

However, they used to be that way.  I remember the holidays I spent as a child being tension free and happy, and I look forward to the fact that they will be that way again.  This odd quietness I am certain will eventually morph into true happiness for my extended family members.  Once they move beyond their big changes and settle into a new situation entirely, things will be much like they were when I was younger--happy, pleasant, positive, and joyful.  I never realized the extent to which this outside negativity affected our gatherings, but now that it's not there, I can clearly see the differences.  I am hopeful that as more changes come down the pipeline, the more things will return to the same back-in-the-day holiday feelings I once had.

On an intrapersonal level, even though my year has been somewhat affected by outside forces, such as the divorce of my sister and the health of my father, I've undergone many personal changes as well....the majority of them regarding how I view myself, my ideas for my future, and my feelings about the world in general.  I spend my time a little differently than I spent it in past years.  My children have become older and I now have more time for introspection, deeper involvement in my hobbies, and just personal time.  I am taking better care of both my physical and emotional health and I feel good.  Really good.  I am different, but I am also returning to a me I once knew as well.  So, definitely, the more things change the more they stay the same.  I see that everywhere in my life at the moment, and I am ever so happy that I do.