"I've Got Big Plans! Big Plans, I Say!"

"I got big plans! Big plans I say!"  I love this line.  It is from a children's book that I gave my son Joshua for Christmas.  The book centers around a young boy recently put in time out for being troublesome in class and he imagines himself declaring to the world all of his big plans for power and success.  It makes me laugh out loud every time I read it because it reminds me so much of Joshua.  That is one little four year old boy who has VERY BIG PLANS.  His force of will and his tenacity amaze and impress me on a daily basis.  He will go for what he wants each and every time and he will not stop until his goal has been achieved.

Some people like my son enter the world with an innate sense of internal motivation and drive to accomplish what they want, but even more importantly, they arrive with an uncanny knowing of what it is that they desire.  That is really the key to living fully--to be able to identify what makes you tick, chimes your bells, tickles your fancy, floats your boat, and just plain makes you happy.  Most people struggle to discover what they want to do, or what really pleases and fulfills them.  A rare few, like Joshua, just know.

I admire his certitude, but I also worry about it.  Being certain constitutes both a blessing and a curse.  On one hand, a person with certainty enjoys a clarity and precision regarding his or her life that most people do not have.  On the other hand, people with innate certitude often fail to bend and sway as necessary in regard to interpersonal relationships.  Being firm in your own personal truth can be a tough row to hoe. I've met people like Joshua who abrasively bump up against others in the pursuit of what makes them fulfilled.  They don't intend to be disruptive, thoughtless, or hurtful, but it happens.  I consider it a single-track obliviousness that can be somewhat mitigated by understanding their temperament and personality, but still it is a quality that needs polishing and softening in order for these people to create easier lives for themselves.

Much like a flash flood that overflows gullies and arroyos, my son Joshua will push and pull and tear at whatever blocks his path.   When provoked his determination and passion flow unchecked, which causes me either to laugh with my entire being or to cry in just the same fashion.  His intensity spills over onto whomever is present and you can't help but be carried by his tide.  My daughter and oldest son, however, remind me of  gentle meandering streams, eventually getting to where they need to be in their own sweet times with minimal disruption to those around them.  With Abby and Jack, its more like dipping your toes into their waters, or  wading in them as they eddy and swirl around you.  I don't worry quite as much about their navigation skills as I do about Joshua's.  I think they know how to flow and blend well already.  Life won't be nearly as difficult, but I hope it will be just as passionate as Joshua's life seems like it will be.  Passion with the volume turned down.

My two older children most resemble me in terms of temperaments.  I am nothing if not a great compromiser and mediator. People feel comfortable around me; they enjoy my company and seek my tactful advice. Secretly, however, I envy Joshua.  I would love to be more like him. I wish I had his certainty about things.  I want his internal, unconscious knowledge that, "Hell yeah, I am right!"  He possesses the kind of confidence that will both amaze and charm people as well as annoy the ever-loving crap out them.  In any event, he's going to have a very interesting life ahead of him, because my little dude has got some big plans.  Big plans, I say!

Joshua dreaming of his big plans in the bathtub.