I pulled up into my driveway today, after dropping my nephew off at his youth group, and just sat there enjoying the sunshine. My day had gone well, but I was tired and wanted to take a few minutes of golden silence before I went into the house where four wild, noisy children awaited me. As I sat there, I heard a voice coming from across the street, and in the tone of that voice, I heard several different things which piqued my interest. Not so much focusing on the words, I listened to the inflection of the voice, the breathless pauses, the laughter. This conversation seemed very familiar in nature. At that moment, I realized I was overhearing a flirtatious exchange between my single, young, male neighbor and obviously a girl he didn't know well, but wanted to know better. I smiled, thinking about how fun getting to know someone new can be, and it got me to thinking about how people meet, why they connect, and what wiles they use to catch a partner.
People go through their entire lives wanting to make connections with others. It is an instinctual drive that we all harbor. Little babies provide an excellent example of this. You see them catching the attention of people when they are out and about. They stare over their Dads' shoulders at the person in line behind them, smiling...making eyes...doing all the innate unconscious things we humans do to attract another person to us. This desire for connection lasts a lifetime. At the opposite end of the age spectrum resides my father, a 72 year old widower, who likes to spend time with lady friends. He regales my sister and I with tales of the hookups occurring at the senior center he attends daily. The romantic drama there rivals high school and a tremendous amount of flirtation happens regularly.
The common denominator throughout all age levels, however, remains the flirting, both the conscious and unconscious variety. As a people-watcher, I love to observe one person flirting with another. It's fascinating. Whether its men and women, men and men, women and women, the flirting all looks the same. It has the same qualities, characteristics, and even flow. Body language plays into it, of course. The casual touch of arm, the tilt of a head just so, licking the lips, a smile with eye contact and the eyes suddenly looking downward. People will engage in these behaviors, even when no one can see them, such as in online chatting or talking on the phone, as my neighbor did.
Body position fascinates me in flirting as well. People interested in one another stand close, hands on hips, open posture, often rocking on their heels a bit or leaning into the other person's space. My favorite thing to see, which is also indicative of a serious liking of someone, consists of standing with one foot flat on the floor, the other leg slightly bent at the knee and the foot behind the straight leg, resting on point. Usually a hip will be thrust outward towards the person of interest and hands will be on the hips. It always reminds me of the time I caught my sister flirting with someone she just met at a football game when we were in college. In fact, I think it's the first time I really analyzed what flirting looked like. Believe me when I state that my sister has mastered the art of flirtation. She is skilled beyond words, and naturally inherited this from my mother who could entice and charm anyone. I, on the other hand, am woefully bad at flirting. I rarely pick up on signals from others and I don't let myself relax enough to just unconsciously roll with flirtation. Sometimes being analytical totally sucks.
People meet and connect through a plethora of ways. They randomly bump into each other throughout the day and sometimes actively seek each other out. In this day and age, finding someone to be interested in takes only a few clicks of a mouse and voila, instant flirtation and attraction. Opportunities abound for making connections. But what is it that draws someone to another specifically? I can't begin to even speculate on this because each person is unique and requires different things for chemistry to occur. All I know is that sometimes, if you are lucky your heart will speak to someone else's and a match is made. Those matches can last a lifetime or not, but it generally boils down to one person wanting the other to be in their life, even if just for a short period of time.
People will always flirt, whether consciously doing so or not, and it is not always just to make connections, but also because flirting feels so damn good! I know you understand what I am saying. It's that zinging of the blood, the electric sensation when someone says something fantastic to you, the spreading warmth of knowing someone likes you and wants you and is totally attracted to you. Chasing those feelings can be as addictive as any other kind of high you can achieve. Feeling great makes you want to feel great more often. That's why flirty people continue to flirt throughout their lives and why some people, like me, actually begin to learn how to do it properly. They either want to hold onto or create that zip, zing, ka-chow kind of feeling.
Anyway, I am hoping that my neighbor gets to know that girl on the phone, or at the very least gets to continue trying to chase her. The chase, the flirtation, the game-playing, the enticement....all of that can be more fun than actually making a match. He sounded happy, excited, and determined, so I think he will ultimately succeed in his endeavor, and if not, well then....I am sure he had an amazing time trying.
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