Have you ever noticed that the hardest person to convince to take good advice and apply it to his/her situation is yourself? Trust me, I have. I unfortunately struggle with this on what seems to be a daily basis. My keen ability to assess a person's problem and provide strategies to overcome it doesn't appear to work on me. I think the majority of people in the world suffer with the same problem. We are much more inattentive and ineffective with ourselves than with others because for most people, you just can't see yourself clearly. The necessary detachment that helps us view the world and its inhabitants objectively does not exist on an intrapersonal level. Suffice to say, we are too close to ourselves and when we take a look, it's all blurry and out of focus. Besides, introspection at its best makes for a difficult endeavor, and at its worst an impossible task. In addition, because we are complex and complicated creatures with psychological and biological motivations, we often ignore what we know to be best and continue behaving in the same unproductive or negative ways.
Last night, my mood crashed hard...ran smack into a wall at one hundred miles an hour and basically shattered. Much like the onset of a migraine, I could feel this mini-depression at the edges of my day, creeping forward and then moving back. I tried to ignore it, but I knew on a fundamental level that at some point it would come out of hiding and fully show itself, which it did around 11pm. Whereupon, a crying jag ensued over insignicant things. Likewise, I knew the cause of this trainwreck. I have been cheating myself from serious, healthy sleep for a long time now, and my exhaustion caught up with me. In addition, I also knew the things I could have done to improve my mood and mindset during the day, but I chose not to do them. That's the entire point of this blog...a person can know everything about herself and still do the wrong things. A person can become completely self-aware and will continue to engage in behaviors that will ultimately be detrimental to health and well-being.
This episode yesterday made me think of the proverb, "Physician, heal thyself." This quote references a doctor's ability to effectively help others, but not him/herself. Another similar saying, "The cobbler always wears the worst shoes," goes along nicely with the proverb. It suggests that some people are too busy to pay attention to their own needs. I think both accurately apply to me. I really wish I could take my own good advice and put it into action. I wish I could see myself objectively and actually value my own opinion enough to say, "Yeah...that sound's like a great idea. I am going to do just the very thing you suggest." I also wish I didn't feel so damned guilty about being selfish and taking the time I need for me. The sad thing remains that in knowing myself, I also understand that these wishes will never materialize.
Anyway, I forced myself to go to bed early last night and sleep off some of my bad mood. I woke this morning not nearly as energetic and optimistic as normal, but I think, I will eventually get there today. Somehow or another, most likely unconsciously, I do in the end take my own good advice on occasion, and I never stay down for long.
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