Sunday, September 25, 2011

Tolerance: A Mother's Gift

My parents raised my sister and I to be very open and tolerant of all different types of people, and I primarily credit my mother for the fostering of this attitude in us.  My mother, from small, rural communities in Oklahoma and Kansas, always exhibited a level of understanding and tolerance that most people found surprising.  She came from an era of segregation and insularity and for some reason, remained unaffected by that throughout her entire lifetime.  She definitely owned her own mind and refused to be swayed by what others thought she should believe and practice.  I am so eternally grateful to her for giving me the gift of loving all of humanity, regardless of religion, ethnicity, sexual preference, cultural background, and socio-economic status.  Other than knowing how to love well and to be well-loved, this is by far, the greatest gift a parent can give a child.

When you teach your children that all people should be respected and valued, you give them the ability to move fluidly through the world and to experience all that life has to offer.  Being open to people, feeling confident around others who are different from you, and valuing the contributions of everyone creates a solid foundation from which to build a fulfilling life.  When you raise your children to believe that those who are different are somehow suspect, less-than, or even wrong, then you cheat your child out of knowing the fullness and beauty all humanity entails.  It decreases the amount of love they could experience, share, and create.  To me, this intentional curtailing of love comprises the most depressing thing I know.  Unfortunately, people raise their children every day with intolerance, negativity, and even hate for others.  It is unbearably sad to see young children being inculcated from an early age to be racist, homophobic, anti-semitic, and generally narrow-minded.

I consider myself to be blessed with an upbringing that allowed me to love whomever I wanted to love, to befriend whomever I wanted to befriend, and to even hate whomever I wanted to hate, without regard to anything but individual qualities and personality.  The ability to choose for myself who I want to share my life with is a true, eternal gift that I appreciate every single day.  Without this deep appreciation for all people given to me by my mother, I would not have all of the wonderful friends I currently enjoy.  I have Black friends, Hispanic friends, Native American friends, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu friends, lesbian and gay friends, atheist friends, and pretty much everything in between.  Seriously, even Republicans. I am all the better for that variety of friendship. I have learned something from everyone who has come into my life.

I want my children to have that same outlook.  Already, even at their young ages, they know that their uncle is gay and what gay means and that gay is absolutely okay.  They also know that all religions are good and valid, skin color and cultural differences are unimportant, and people should be judged solely on their behavior towards others.  My children have friends of all colors, religions, and ethnic backgrounds, and they don't notice the differences because on a human, fundamental level no differences exist. 

I have been missing my mother a lot lately.  She died over six years ago, and every day I think about her.  I see her in everything around me, especially in my children, and I am so grateful for that.  I know that when I look them and see how they treat people, how they move smoothly with others, that she is responsible for that gift.  And, I know firmly in my heart and soul, that it is a gift that will keep on giving generation after generation.

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