A few days ago, while surfing the internet, I came across a couple of Adele videos. Adele's musical talent and beauty equally amaze me. I scrolled down to read some comments referencing "Rolling in the Deep" and "Someone Like You", thinking that they would generally be positive and laudatory. As I read these entries, I became more and more disgusted and angry at the comments. At least half of them concerned her weight and not her obvious talent. People left seriously mean and ugly remarks--profoundly hurtful comments meant solely to demean and degrade her. Why do that? Why negate everything someone is just because he or she isn't a size six? Why do so many people think that being overweight or obese is the very last acceptable minority to discriminate against and humiliate? To me, a woman who has been overweight since childhood, these questions perplexed and saddened me, and compelled me to find an answer to them.
I have always been a large person. I cannot ever remember a time when I fit the standard model of perfectly average or normal. And I cannot remember a time when my size has not elicited comments, usually degrading and ugly ones. Comments from adults, peers, and children have been with me my entire life. As a child, my sister and I used to be tormented because we were the "fat" kids at school. Not satisfied with just namecalling, kids also used to chase us home while throwing rocks at us, and sometimes even physically assaulting us. We were fair game to them...the fat kids didn't deserve anything but their contempt and anger. Oftentimes, their parents were complicit in this abuse because they never chose to stop it. Why? Why do this to two little girls? Why become so angry at the sight of us that it was necessary to emotionally abuse us and physically hurt us? I didn't understand it then and I don't pretend to understand it today.
As my sister and I grew older, we combatted this in different ways. I became razor sharp with verbal insults and my sister just beat the shit of anyone who messed with her. People learned not to mess with us, but it didn't always stop the comments, and to some extent, these degrading and random insults still happen today. I am a beautiful, intelligent, successful 39 year-old woman, why would anyone unnecessarily hurt me? For example, just last week when I went out with friends for dancing and drinks, as we were leaving a man made some rude comment regarding my size. I am sure that this man would never shout the N-word to a black man leaving the bar, or call any other ethnicity a derrogatory name. He might even refrain from insulting gay people because he might know now that it's not the right thing to do. So why then, is it still okay to openly insult fat people? What makes it acceptable in our society to abuse and degrade overweight and obese people, to make them feel inferior and less-than on a constant basis? My response that night, by the way, pretty much reflected how I operate with people who insult me for no good reason. I gave him a verbal dressing-down, pinpointing all his innate flaws and weaknesses, and made him feel about two feet tall. I almost made him cry. He deserved it, the bastard.
After thinking about this topic for the past couple of days, I've come to realize that people view those who are overweight or obese as innately suspect, inferior, weak-willed, and fatally flawed. Being fat automatically triggers the notion that this overweight person has no self-control, no self-esteem, and definitely no ability to prosper and be successful at life. These beliefs could not be further from the truth. Just because our bodies do not conform to what society accepts as beautiful or normal, does not negate who we are are on the inside. Sure some fat people never experience success, some live lives that most people would deem to be undesireable or negative, some are just not nice people. Others go on to amazing heights, like Adele, Rosie O'Donnel, Steve Wozniak. That said, however, success or failure is not based on their size. It's because of their personalities or their circumstances. People shouldn't lump all races, religions, or ethnicities together and determine they all behave one way, and they should damn well not assume that about fat people. We are all individuals...some of us good, some of us bad, some of us indifferent.
I also think that people treat overweight persons badly because they fear that they may one day become obese. Fear causes people to strike out at what scares them, hoping to banish it or negate it. They fear fat for a variety of reasons....the objectification by society, the ostracism of their peers, the appearance of a fundamental lack of self control. Being fat exemplifies for them everything that is negative and wrong with humanity at large. (No pun intended.) What I find most interesting about fat discrimination and weight-based bullying remains that it crosses the entire spectrum of humanity. All races, religions, sexual-orientations have those in their midst that abhor fat people. Even though many minorities have felt the sting and humilation of discrimination and open-hostility, they engage in it themselves towards overweight and obese people. I've even seen fat men and women immediately go to the fat jokes and insults about someone who is larger than themselves! It amazes me that one oppressed group actively participates in the oppression of another, but historically this has always happened and shouldn't surprise me much. One characteristic of humans that I loathe is their capacity for cruelty and hypocrisy.
Nonetheless, I think that this particular issue should have more attention. It is never okay to openly and willingly hurt another person. Never! People should embrace humanity in all its variations...all sizes, shapes, and colors. When a person deliberately hurts another, the only consequence will be the spreading of negativity and ugliness through the world. We have too much of that already. Just remember please that all people deserve respect and to be treated like worthy human beings, at least until they prove themselves otherwise. I am going to continue doing what I do, loving myself in all my buxom, BBW glory, and fight the good fight. I hope you take up the good fight as well and help end weight-based bullying and hate.
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